


you're my inspiration

by radiodread



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Chapter 37+ manga spoilers, Fluff, M/M, Song writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29556945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiodread/pseuds/radiodread
Summary: Mafuyu's birthday is coming up, and Ritsuka is terrible at coming up with gift ideas. He enlists the help of Shizusumi as one of Mafuyu's childhood friends, and Shizusumi has a surprising suggestion that Ritsuka definitely would never have thought of himself, especially because part of it is something he's never done before.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Uenoyama Ritsuka & Yagi Shizusumi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	you're my inspiration

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Mafuyu's birthday, February 28, 2021.

_“Remember that you’re next, Ue.”_

_Ritsuka makes a grimace, but he doesn’t have the time to respond to Haruki’s sharp comment before Mafuyu asks a question._

_“When is it? Your birthday, I mean.”_

_“First day of August.”_

_Mafuyu lets out an ‘ah’, as if he just had an epiphany. “That’s why your name is ‘Ritsuka’.”_

_Ritsuka has by this point lost count of how many times Mafuyu has made his heart explode in his chest. This might however be the tenth time just this week. “Uh… y-yeah,” he stutters unintelligibly. “What about you? You must be born in the winter, right?”_

_“February, last day of the month.”_

* * *

That was in July, and now it’s February. Ritsuka knows exactly why this memory enters his mind now—it’s because it _is_ February, and it’ll be the first time he gets to celebrate Mafuyu’s birthday as his boyfriend. Which means he probably needs to come up with something really good as a gift, but the truth is that Ritsuka absolutely sucks at gift giving and everything related to it, like thinking of what to get people, and even wrapping gifts nicely. It’s just never been his forte.

Even so, he doesn’t want to use that as an excuse to get Mafuyu a cop-out gift, because Mafuyu deserves better. What to actually get him is something Ritsuka might have to come up with soon, depending on what he’ll actually go for in the end. If he has to order it online, he wants to make sure it arrives in time, obviously, or it defeats the purpose. He knows that just asking Mafuyu would be the easiest way of knowing what to go for, but he fears it might make him look like he hasn’t gotten to know Mafuyu at all in the time that they’ve been dating.

Sometimes he feels like he doesn’t know Mafuyu that well, like he doesn’t know just how and what Mafuyu is thinking. But then there are sometimes when he can almost read Mafuyu’s mind, too. It’s very strange, but he’s come to realise that it’s just the way things are with him and Mafuyu. Strange, mostly in a good way.

They haven’t been on many dates, so maybe taking Mafuyu to some sort of date spot could be an idea. It might not have the same sort of significance that Minatomirai came to have for the both of them last summer, but… maybe it can come close. Or it could be important in some other way. Aquarium dates feel too cheesy, even though aquariums are really cool, Ritsuka just doesn’t see them as suitable for a date or a spot for a birthday celebration. Going to the movies feels like a bad idea, too. Not because going to the movies in and of itself is a bad idea, but for this occasion, Ritsuka wants to do something else.

He throws his arm over his face, closing his eyes, and he lets out an annoyed, exhausted sigh. While it’s a sadly proven fact that he’s bad at coming up with gift ideas, thinking of a suitable gift for his boyfriend for the first birthday they celebrate as a couple is a different beast. It should be special, personal, and it should probably reflect the amount of effort that went into it in the first place.

 _Effort_. Should he make something? Valentine’s Day is just two weeks before Mafuyu’s birthday, at which point Ritsuka might want to do something, too. Why does Mafuyu’s birthday have to fall so soon after a big holiday?! It would be strange if Ritsuka were to skip out on either of those days in favour of the other. Skipping Valentine’s makes him look like a bad boyfriend, skipping Mafuyu’s _birthday_ might make him look like the worst boyfriend there ever was.

It’s becoming obvious that Ritsuka can’t solve this issue on his own, and that he might have to enlist help from someone. As for who, he can’t decide, but he figures that maybe Mafuyu’s childhood friends are his best option. He sort of dreads having to contact Hiiragi, though, because the two of them _always_ clash. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, they just can’t seem to get along. Shizusumi is scary at times, but he’s reasonable, so Ritsuka figures he might try that route.

[ **YOU** : _hey. this is gonna be a little weird, but do you have time to meet up sometime this week? it’s about mafuyu’s birthday._ ]

He might as well try—what’s the worst that could happen? If Shizusumi declines and thinks he’s weird, fine. Ritsuka is practically done with his involvement with Hiiragi and Shizusumi’s band, anyway, so even if things were to get weird between them for some reason, it’s not as bad as it would’ve been if they still had to perform on stage together.

Ritsuka’s phone buzzes with a response from Shizusumi, way sooner than he’d expected to even get one.

[ **SHIZUSUMI YAGI** : _that’s fine. when are you thinking? i might have to work things around band practice._ ]

[ **YOU** : _wednesday at the starbucks closest to your job? when do u get off work?_ ]

[ **SHIZUSUMI YAGI** : _sounds good to me, i finish at five._ ]

[ **YOU** : _will be there at a quarter past. thanks, yagi._ ]

[ **SHIZUSUMI YAGI:** _just_ _call me shizusumi like everyone else does._ ]

It almost sounds like they’re going on a date. Ritsuka holds back a snort that only he himself would hear, anyway, and he lets his phone fall back onto the bed.

* * *

“Oh, Mafuyu’s friend the drummer dude. You could’ve just come to me, Ue,” Akihiko says, and he does a fantastically terrible job at looking as if he’s hurt by Ritsuka’s decision to ask Shizusumi for help instead of his own bandmates.

“I might, if this won’t work out.”

Akihiko snorts. “And you think I’d wanna help you as your second choice?”

“You make it sound like this is about something completely different.”

“Heh, it could be.”

Ritsuka throws his work shirt at Akihiko, and is satisfied to see it land right in Akihiko’s face. “I thought you’d calmed down since you started dating Haruki.”

“Oh, I have. What, I can’t joke about stuff like that just because I’m in a stable relationship?”

“Whatever,” Ritsuka mutters. “I’m going on ahead. Good work today.”

“Likewise.”

The unfortunate thing about this time of year is that it gets pitch dark out really early in the day. So even though it isn’t even dinnertime yet, the sky is practically black at this point, but the streets are at least illuminated with streetlights. Ritsuka kind of likes it when it’s dark out, though, because it feels peaceful, in a way, obviously more so when it’s much later at night. It could possibly have to do with the fact that he’s definitely not a morning person. Early mornings are nice in theory, but having to get up early is… different.

Ritsuka arrives and awkwardly trudges around outside the Starbucks where he and Shizusumi had agreed to meet up. He checks his phone, noticing that he’s just a little bit early, so instead of walking around and looking like a suspicious person, Ritsuka sits down on a nearby bike rack while scrolling through social media on his phone.

There’s been quite an influx of both new followers and comments on Given’s main account, but also to their personal ones. Ritsuka still doesn’t really know what to post on his Twitter account, so most of his feed is photos of Kedama, their instruments or studio equipment, pretty things and sights he sees when he’s out and about, there’s also a photo that Akihiko took of Haruki in a very unflattering angle when they were at an izakaya the other week. It might look like a mess, but it’s still sort of representative of Ritsuka’s life, which consists of Mafuyu—though he isn’t directly shown in photos and instead it’s just Kedama—band practice, music, and his friends.

The sudden sound of jogging footsteps makes Ritsuka look up. He sees Shizusumi indeed half-jog over to him, and then Shizusumi stops, bends over a little, and catches his breath.

“Sorry, got held up at work. Been here long?”

Ritsuka shrugs. “Nah, it’s fine. You really didn’t have to run.”

“You say that _now_ ,” Shizumi says with a very minor frown, and Ritsuka bites back a laugh.

The Starbucks is practically empty when Ritsuka and Shizusumi enter. The meeting spot really wasn’t thought to be anything other than that, but now that they _are_ at a coffee shop, Ritsuka is grateful that he can finally get some real coffee. Vending machines are a wonderful invention and Ritsuka is thankful for them, but the coffee one can buy from those just doesn’t compare to getting coffee made at an actual coffee shop.

“So… Mafuyu’s birthday is coming up,” Ritsuka says, cutting out all of the dumb small-talk he knows neither of them are a fan of. “And I’m really bad at coming up with ideas.”

Shizusumi raises his eyebrows with surprise as he takes a cautious first sip of his coffee. “Right. Well, uh… have you _asked_ him what he wants?”

Ritsuka huffs. “Wouldn’t that just ruin the surprise?”

“Well, if you don’t even have a clue as to what he’d want… Fine, I get it.” Shizusumi pauses to take another sip of his coffee. He’s quite brave, being able to drink his coffee as hot as it is right now, with steam still billowing out of the cup. “How about, like, a sweater?”

“… Clothes?” Ritsuka asks, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t think he’d want that. And it’s not very personal, either.”

“Well, if you want it to be _personal_ , make him something. _Knit_ him a sweater for all I care.”

Ritsuka bursts out laughing, but he immediately tones it down so that they won’t get kicked out. “I can’t knit. Besides, both learning to knit and knitting an entire sweater in, like, three weeks seems impossible.”

Shizusumi sighs, and he shrugs. “Listen, you came to me for advice. Mafuyu likes personal things, gifts that you can tell that the giver put thought and effort into.” He pauses, and what looks like an almost conflicted expression shadows his face briefly. “This… might sound weird to you, but just hear me out.”

“Okay…?”

“You could write a song for him.”

Of all things Shizusumi could have suggested, this wasn’t even on Ritsuka’s list of options. Hell, the knitting was more likely, and even that made Ritsuka laugh out loud. At the same time, writing Mafuyu a song would be fitting. They’re both musicians, and it wouldn’t be the first time Ritsuka wrote Mafuyu a song. It just stings a little thinking about it since the first time he did, Mafuyu dedicated it to his deceased ex-boyfriend. And then the next song was still _sort of_ dedicated to Yuki, but also definitely not Ritsuka.

Ritsuka lowers his eyebrows into a frown, and he clenches his fist lightly on the table. He loves Mafuyu, he really does, and maybe writing him a song would be a good idea. But something within Ritsuka makes him hesitant, maybe the fact that it sometimes feels like he’s still trying to compete with someone who isn’t here anymore. A song might not help his case, however good it would turn out, no matter how much Mafuyu might like it.

“I know it’s a strange thing to say,” Shizusumi continues carefully. “I know very well what it’s like having… people close to you have their heart and mind elsewhere.”

Ritsuka’s frown disappears in an instant, replaced with a look of surprise instead. “Oh. Right… yeah.”

He might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he’s seen enough to be able to put two and two together. Which is why he thinks that Shizusumi is either incredibly stubborn and stupid, or just very resilient. Ritsuka doesn’t know how long this strange thing has been going on between Hiiragi and Shizusumi, but he’s fairly certain it’s been quite a while. So maybe he and Shizusumi aren’t all that different, after all.

“Mafuyu is different,” Shizusumi says. “I know you probably don’t think that now since you just helped Hiiragi finish that song for Yuki, and the fact that we’ve both been bombarding you with shit _about_ Yuki… but it’s true.”

Ritsuka doesn’t know what to say, but he can’t just leave it there. It feels a little strange to have this sort of support, to have someone comfort him like this. It’s very different from what he’s experienced before, absolutely.

“I… guess you’re right,” Ritsuka says. “I probably haven’t been the best boyfriend recently, either.”

“Because you helped us out and it effectively stole you away from Mafuyu.”

Ritsuka makes a noise; Shizusumi is honest and blunt, and while Ritsuka appreciates that, he himself would’ve put it differently. But again, Shizusumi might just be this blunt because of his feelings for Hiiragi, and the messy love-pentagon that is Ritsuka-Mafuyu-Yuki-Hiiragi-Shizusumi. How the _hell_ did Ritsuka become a part of that?

“I mean… well…”

“I’m sorry,” Shizusumi says, and Ritsuka does a double take at the unexpectedness of those words. “Us talking about Yuki so much probably made things worse with you and Mafuyu.”

Ritsuka sighs, and he shrugs again. “It is what it is. I’m not so sure a song is gonna magically make Mafuyu move on.”

“Oh, he _has_ moved on. Not entirely, but I don’t think anyone can,” Shizusumi replies. “Have you seen the way he looks at you? Have you heard how he brags about you, his boyfriend?”

Using ‘bold’ and ‘honest’ to describe Shisuzumi is another understatement. It practically makes Ritsuka burst into flames with embarrassment, and Shizusumi, of course, notices, and he laughs.

“You’ll be fine, Uenoyama. Write him a song, sweep him off his feet… you know, that sort of stuff. Things take time, but it’ll be fine.”

* * *

‘Write him a song,’ Shizusumi said. ‘It’ll be fine,’ he said. Well, it sounds so much damn easier than it _is_ , not to mention the fact that the idea was dropped so suddenly on top of Ritsuka’s head that he now has absolutely no idea where to even begin. The most obvious thing would probably be to ‘look deep into his emotions’—as cheesy as that sounds and as much as he never, ever wants to say those words out loud. But Ritsuka’s emotions aren’t really that easy to just jot down on paper, either as lyrics or chords.

… Lyrics? Should he _sing_ , too? That _is_ what ‘a song’ implies, because it isn’t a song if it doesn’t have lyrics. The thing is that Ritsuka has never even thought of him singing as a concept. He doesn’t even know if he has anything resembling a decent singing voice, because of course he doesn’t if he hasn’t sung before. That said, there isn’t a living soul he would even consider singing in front of… but maybe Mafuyu could be that one exception. People say that it’s the thought that counts.

Even so, it would make him feel so incredibly vulnerable and exposed, belting out his feelings in song. He’s fine with playing the guitar and calling it a day, but since this is for Mafuyu, it’s got to be more special than that. So maybe he _should_ sing, to make it more meaningful. To make it look like he put effort into it.

Damn Shizusumi and the power that his words carry.

Ritsuka’s focus slowly shifts almost entirely to the song he more and more wants to write for Mafuyu. It gets pretty bad in the sense that he’s a little off during practice, and as a result earns a whack atop his head with a drumstick. Being in the studio and jamming with Given feels like it’s helping, though—especially when Mafuyu sings. He feels like he can never get tired of hearing Mafuyu’s voice whether Mafuyu is singing or just talking.

(Or when Mafuyu is whispering Ritsuka’s name against his neck when it’s dark and it’s just the two of them cuddled up close in bed. Or when Mafuyu is moaning it in bed over and over, like a mantra. Those are good, too.)

Everyone’s creative processes look different: for example, Mafuyu gets his inspiration for lyrics from his surroundings, the people close to him and their experiences. Ritsuka gets chord and melody inspiration from the bands he listens to, and there’s probably nothing wrong with that. Most artists, be it musical, painting or otherwise, get inspiration from others. Ritsuka completely immerses himself in their music as they jam at the studio, and then he listens to music and strums his acoustic guitar when he’s at home. The acoustic unfortunately doesn’t get much love these days since Ritsuka prefers his Telecaster, but he figures he can’t compose a fitting song for Mafuyu if it’s going to be played on an electric.

Maybe it’s Shizusumi’s influence, Ritsuka doesn’t know—but soon enough, bits and pieces of a bigger picture start forming in his mind. He thinks of the happy moments with Mafuyu, their first kiss backstage after Mafuyu sang “ _A Winter Story_ ”, the day Mafuyu confessed his feelings as they were looking out over the ocean at Minatomirai, the many times they’ve taken walks or just sat around in the park close to the music venue Mafuyu works at. All of these memories make Ritsuka’s heart swell with adoration for his boyfriend, and soon enough, he’s writing.

He’s not really thinking much about it at first, but instead just lets his mind run free and his hand write down whatever his brain tells it to write. It did sound a lot more difficult than it turns out to be to just jot down his thoughts and feelings, because after a while when Ritsuka looks down at what he’s scribbled down, he lets out a _huh_ , feeling a mix of embarrassment but also surprise at how easy that was. Yes it’s mostly a load of sugar-coated, fluffy stuff he could never, ever say to anyone but Mafuyu—but that’s probably part of what love is. Maybe. Ritsuka still has a lot to figure out in that department, but he’s also learnt a lot since he and Mafuyu started dating.

Ritsuka may not know a lot, but he knows that he’s very, _very_ in love with Mafuyu, that it’s a scary and great feeling at the same time, and that he wants to give Mafuyu the best of the best. This song might be it or it might not be, but he won’t know unless he tries. And besides… it’s pretty fun to write not only the melody, but the lyrics, too. Up until now, Ritsuka has used other bands and their music as inspiration, but now he can use his own experiences with being in love with Mafuyu as a source.

It’s an embarrassing, sort of exciting, and certainly interesting approach that Ritsuka is taking in writing this song for Mafuyu.

* * *

Valentine’s Day comes around, and since Ritsuka has spent most of his free time working on the song for Mafuyu, he hasn’t prepared anything for Valentine’s Day. Even so, he still wants to take Mafuyu out to dinner since it’s a day meant to cherish and spend with your loved ones. If possible, Ritsuka wants to do this every day for Mafuyu since Mafuyu does deserve the best, and maybe one day he can work his way up to that goal.

For now, Ritsuka takes Mafuyu out to dinner and the first date they’ve sadly had in quite some time. Life has gotten in the way a lot recently for them to spend any significant amount of time together, which is why Ritsuka wants to make this day as special as can be. Even though they spend most of the day at work, at least he can do the best of what’s left of it afterwards.

“I wasn’t expecting this,” Mafuyu says, and he smiles affectionately at Ritsuka across the table. “This was a nice surprise. Thank you.”

“Sure,” Ritsuka mumbles, feeling his cheeks get warm. He clears his throat. “It sucks that this day had to be on a weekday, though, or we could’ve spent more time together.”

Mafuyu hums. “Yeah. It’s all good now, though. This is the best way to end off my day. And we still have the weekends to spend time together, you know.”

“I know, it’s just… It’s _Valentine’s Day_. I wish it would’ve been based on a certain day of the week instead of a specific date.”

“Yeah,” Mafuyu replies with a little laugh. “It would be more convenient. Oh, I meant to ask. Are you working on a new song? You’ve been really going at it lately.”

Ritsuka’s heart skips a beat, and he just barely manages to avoid letting his shock show on his face. He trust Shizusumi to not have said anything either to Mafuyu or Hiiragi—who’s known to be terrible at keeping secrets—but of course, he probably hasn’t been very good at hiding it from Mafuyu, himself. Once Ritsuka gets into something, people close to him tend to notice. When they were younger, and to some extent even now, it was Yayoi who would always notice and ask him when he’d been especially absorbed in music writing. Nowadays, it’s Mafuyu and Akihiko mostly, sometimes Haruki, too.

And in this particular scenario, it’s bad that Mafuyu has noticed.

“Oh, nothing in particular,” he lies, and feels bad about having to lie in the first place. He tells himself that it’s for a good reason. “Just shaking the bag to see what falls out and what I can do with it.”

Mafuyu nods, and Ritsuka doesn’t know if Mafuyu believes him, because he can’t tell on Mafuyu’s facial expression. “I’ve been doing similar things. I’m just excited for the next time we can perform live.”

“Me too,” Ritsuka replies. “Hopefully soon.”

He doesn’t dare breathe a sigh of relief just yet. Mafuyu is very perceptive, sometimes scarily so, and it would be very easy for him to ruin Ritsuka’s surprise if only Mafuyu knew where to look. It’s funny in a weird sense that the solution to the riddle is closer to Mafuyu than he would probably expect, if he’s even suspecting anything to begin with. It doesn’t matter how long Ritsuka has been with Mafuyu, he still can’t read Mafuyu that well.

“I can always use my workplace,” Mafuyu muses. “We’ve performed there before, they’d probably let us do it again.”

“Oh, good idea. I know I sort of mocked the idea of working at a live music bar before, but… it’s actually pretty cool.”

Mafuyu smiles. “Partially because there aren’t any high school cover bands covering basic-ass songs at the bar, right?”

Ritsuka nearly chokes on his own spit, and he has to suppress a laugh. The fact that Mafuyu remembered that line down to every word makes Ritsuka feel both flattered and also a little envious of Mafuyu’s memory. “Wow, I did _not_ expect to ever hear you say ‘ass’.”

“I hang out with the right kind of people,” Mafuyu shrugs, and Ritsuka makes a mental note to tell Akihiko about this momentous thing that just occurred.

* * *

He doesn’t mean to be nervous, but Ritsuka can’t help it. Playing the guitar is second-nature to him now, he could most likely play many songs in his sleep… not that he’s ever tried (that he knows, at least). It feels like the first time he was going to perform live when he hadn’t even entered high school yet, but he hopes it won’t progress the same way it did then, because he definitely doesn’t want to mess this up. Many times before has he been nervous when heading over to Mafuyu’s, but this is _very_ different.

Shizusumi had sent Ritsuka a text message earlier that day wishing him good luck, and Ritsuka feels like he probably needs it. He’s grown to like the song quite a bit the more he’s practiced it, but that’s _his_ opinion, which doesn’t matter here. Mafuyu’s is the one that does.

When he’d called Mafuyu, Ritsuka wants to think he wasn’t being vague at all when asking if he could come over. Thinking back on it now as he gets off the train to walk the rest of the way to Mafuyu’s apartment building, Ritsuka realises that he had been the exact opposite and that his tongue had tripped over itself, more than just once. Maybe sending a text message had been easier, that way his phone would’ve at least corrected his clumsiness with forming words.

“Welco—oh,” Mafuyu says as he opens the door. His eyes immediately land on the guitar bag on Ritsuka’s back. “Did you get a new bag?”

Ritsuka scratches himself behind the ear with his index finger. “No, it’s… my acoustic.”

“Acoustic? I didn’t know you had one.”

Funny thing, that, because at times, Ritsuka forgets he has one, too.

Mafuyu lets Ritsuka inside, and he follows Mafuyu inside to the living room, carrying his guitar with him. His hands feel clammy and his heartrate is steadily growing faster; it’s definitely the wrong season for him to feel as warm as he does. He sets the bag down and unzips it to pull his guitar out.

“Oh, should I…?”

“I wrote you a song,” Ritsuka says, and Mafuyu blinks at him a few times with confusion.

“You… you did what?”

“A song. It’s, um. Both melody and lyrics.”

Mafuyu opens his mouth, but then he closes it again before his eyes widen. “You wrote me a _song_?”

Ritsuka crosses his legs, placing the guitar body in between them and places his fingertips against the strings. Then, he takes a deep breath, and begins singing.

_I misunderstood the meaning of[strength](https://a.tumblr.com/tumblr_nur9u8sBg41se3x2co1.mp3)  
I hid my weaknesses  
And pretended I couldn’t see them  
_

_I_ _was afraid of loving  
And only thought of what I could give to you  
  
I thought that if I was alone, I could find the answer  
But the truth is, I want to rely on you more  
And be touched by your warmth_

_“It’s not just you” these words  
Convey to me “just stay by my side”  
As you wrapped me in your arms  
I was the one being protected  
  
Even if I can’t say anything anymore  
I just gaze into your eyes  
I think it’s precious, your smile  
  
I unintentionally become nervous  
And wonder where it is I’m headed  
I’ve come to not know  
Things like confidence and pride_

_The only thing I could do was fight on  
And I thought things like  
“I wonder if I can protect you”  
I’m the one who closed themselves off  
_

_And couldn’t be honest  
Even though I acted like it was because of you  
You were always there without changing  
  
“It’s not just you” no matter when  
You were always beside me watching over me  
You taught me that I was the one being supported  
  
There will surely be more troubles in the future  
And times when I’ll be anxious  
But the courage you gave me is a push at my back  
To believe in myself and not give up  
I will bet it on everything that I can do for you  
  
“It’s not just you”  
I hope I can one day return these words to you  
I want to always live close to you  
With your kind of strength and kindness  
_

_“It’s not just you” these words  
Conveyed to me “just stay by my side”  
“It’s not just you”, no matter when  
These words were always just there, watching over me  
  
I’m already walking forward  
The answer was by my side the whole time  
It’s an irreplaceable presence, your smile  
Always_

Never before has Ritsuka been so nervous to look up at Mafuyu to see his reaction. He absorbed himself in the song and in the memories he’d used as inspiration for the song in order to mask the nervousness in his voice, and he thinks it went surprisingly well. He’s not good at expressing himself using words and prefers showing what he means, feels and wants with actions instead. This was definitely a challenge, but a necessary one, because he knows he needs to be better at communicating verbally in cases where it otherwise might not come out well.

Love is strange, confusing, wonderful, and terrifying, but Ritsuka doesn’t regret it. He feels more and more of it every day for Mafuyu, and it’s something he didn’t think was possible. Sometimes it still surprises him how his affection and love for his boyfriend grows. He will never be able to replace Mafuyu’s ex, but he hopes he can at least be a damn good boyfriend. Not as a replacement, but as someone else.

“Ritsuka…”

He lifts his head ever so slightly, still scared to look Mafuyu in the eye. But when he does, and sees a few stray tears roll down Mafuyu’s cheeks, Ritsuka practically tears his guitar off him and pulls Mafuyu into his embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No, that’s not it, I’m happy. I’m so happy,” Mafuyu replies, voice thick with emotion. “That was the best thing anyone’s ever given to me. Thank you.”

Finally, Ritsuka sighs in relief, and he holds Mafuyu close while taking in his scent. This is where he’s the happiest: right here, with Mafuyu. In moments like these, love is nothing but a wonderful, warm feeling.

“… So, does this mean you liked it?” he dares to ask, his voice slightly muffled by Mafuyu’s sweater.

Mafuyu laughs softly in response. “Yes, I did. How long did that take you?”

“Uh… a week. I think? Yeah.”

“Just a week?”

“Yeah, well I… had some inspiration, um… y-you. You were my inspiration.”

He hears a little gasp, and then Ritsuka feels Mafuyu tighten his embrace. “I really like your singing voice, Ritsuka. I wouldn’t mind if you sang more often.”

Ritsuka snorts quietly, and he rolls his eyes. “Oh no, _you’re_ the vocalist. I’m not gonna sing for anyone else.”

“Fine. It’ll be a secret only I know of.”

“Actually… Shizusumi knows,” Ritsuka replies. “I asked him for help, because I didn’t know what to get you for your birthday.”

“You did? Oh. Has he heard the song?”

“God no. Like I said, I won’t sing for anyone else.” He sighs. “… Sorry. I would love to say it was my idea.”

“But the song was, which is what matters.” Mafuyu pulls back a little, but his face is still close to Ritsuka’s. He’s still smiling, and Ritsuka thinks he’s beautiful. “How am I going to top this for _your_ birthday?”

Ritsuka lowers his eyebrows, and he turns his gaze to the side. “It’s not a contest. I’d be happy with anything because it’s you.”

Mafuyu leans forward and nudges his forehead against Ritsuka’s temple, forcing Ritsuka to face him again. When he does, Mafuyu moves in for a kiss that Ritsuka is more than happy to reciprocate.

“You say that, and it’s sweet… but you can’t stop me from trying, anyway.”

Ritsuka sighs but he then smiles, and Mafuyu laughs.

 _This is what love is_ , he thinks.

*

**Author's Note:**

> There was no way I could come up with song lyrics for this fic, so I just stole the lyrics from Mamoru Miyano's song " _Tada soba ni ite_ ". That's also the song that's linked in the fic... if that wasn't already obvious. 😅
> 
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